Mind Cancer

Today AS gets home from TDY. I’m excited, since he’s been gone for a long time. The last time I saw him was during the west coast trip AJ and I did.

AJ and I had been planning this trip ever since I got my passport renewed and she got hers for the first time. Since we’re in Texas and Mexico isn’t far, about a 5-hour drive from the house, we decided to head to Eagle Pass, TX for the night, then cross over to Piedras Negras, Mexico the next day. It’s a small border town, and despite everything going on in Mexico, it felt safe.

Dental work is a big draw in this little town, so while we were there, we planned on getting a couple of consults done since AJ wanted some work done. One of the places told us they could start right away. We grabbed lunch at a local spot to talk it over. The food was great and the people were even better. By the end of lunch, we’d decided it was worth starting, so we went ahead with it that afternoon.

We’d originally planned to stay the day, check out the town, and have a few margaritas, but with AJ starting dental work, we ended up heading home instead.

Well the weekend was a shit show for the most part.  Saturday morning started off good and there was no chaos in the house and AE and I went out with some people in the neighborhood.  We don’t get options like that very often so when we can we jump on the opportunity.

Today was a different story through.  AJ and I went out to the local home improvement store to get some things for the back yard.  While we were gone one of AEs friends showed up at the house to see if he could play.  AJ told him it was fine, but they had to go outside.  We figured that they would just ride their scotters around and things would be fine. We get home and AE had gone into AJ’s car and got out a bow and arrow from the trunk.  He knows that he is not allowed to use it while we are at the house and that he can only use it when she takes him to the range. 

Of course, he decided to throw a fit about us taking it from him.  I am pretty sure he was just showing off for his friend but doing something unsafe is not something to get into an argument about.  It was take away and locked in the safe since he thinks he can just get it when he wants all of a sudden.  Things really started to go down hill from here.  

While AJ and I were putting the items in the back yard and setting up the vegitable garden, AE and his friend wanted to “help”.  This only means one thing.  He wanted to make a mess of everything we were trying to do. During this, AJ’s mom showes up with we are trying to get things done and making sure AE does not destroy anything that we are trying to accomplish, and AE takes one of the garden tools and starts just digging into the back yard. I get onto him about this and again he throws another fit. At this point I was so fusturated with him and his actions, I just drooped the garden tool and walked back into the house slamming the door. A short while after I went to my office to cool down, AJ’s mom and AE went to a birthday party for some of AJ’s nephews.

I am getting very tried of AJ not taking control of AE when he is acting out and when I get frustrated she blames me.  I am feeling like this relationship is so one sided it is not funny.  I can start to feel distance between AJ and I and that is unsettling.  I am growing suspicious that she is planning her exit

Things have been going fairly well at the house lately.

AJ did mention that CL is not planning to come to the seafood boil we are organizing around Easter. Apparently, he is worried that I will bring up the car and the money he owes me. I told her that if he does come, I would not bring it up, but at the same time I cannot say I am upset that he feels some pressure from the situation. He should.

I had to travel out of town for work yesterday and was gone overnight. While I was away, AJ allowed AE to sleep on the couch again. That is something they both know I cannot stand.

I do not understand why she continues to allow it, especially knowing how strongly I feel about it. It may seem like a small thing, but it slowly eats away at the trust between us.

This evening, though, was pretty rough.

We went out to dinner with one of AE’s friends. It ended up being embarrassing. AE is an extremely messy eater, and it is hard to believe at times that he is twelve. Every time we go out, it feels like the same situation.

After dinner, things got worse. AE went right back to his old behavior, likely because he was worked up and AJ would not allow his friend to spend the night. He started tearing apart a box from a model kit. When he could not break it any further, he began hitting it aggressively until he flipped it over and broke a piece off.

AJ tried to sit down and do some watercolor painting, but AE inserted himself into that as well and created more chaos.

It feels like just when things start to settle and improve, they quickly fall apart again. I have a feeling that our plans over the next few weeks are going to change, because the good days never seem to last very long.

It has been a few days since I have written anything.

Over the weekend, AJ and I worked on the flower bed in the front yard, and I think it turned out really well. We also returned the Lovesac couch she had talked me into getting. It just did not work for us. The dog hair stuck to it constantly, and the gaps between the cushions made it uncomfortable.

A couple of days ago, AJ signed the family up for a membership at the local YMCA. Last night was our first time going. It was alright. I spent some time walking on the treadmill, but AJ was not really able to get a workout in because AE would not leave her alone long enough. He eventually went into the pool and ended up hanging out with another kid, while AJ and I just sat in the lobby waiting for him to finish.

This morning I ordered a new Apple Watch. The Garmin watch has been fine, but I am tired of dealing with the charging cables. They never seem to stay connected properly, and it has become more of a hassle than it is worth. Since my Apple Watch is about four years old, it felt like a good time to upgrade to something with a better battery.

I was supposed to fly out to Springfield, Missouri for work, but those plans changed because the TSA lines were too long to make the trip practical. Since I am not flying out, I will be helping another PSM down in Houston on Thursday and will be back home on Friday.

I had planned to reach out to CL today to see if he had a plan to catch up on what he owes, but I decided not to. I am concerned that if I push him too hard, he will take it out on AJ. I think that may already be part of why she has been acting differently at home.

With the baby on the way, I expect they are going to run into even bigger issues. The car they have is already too small, and I do not see how they are going to fit three car seats in it. I had previously offered to buy the car back, but he wanted more than what he paid, which does not make sense considering he is still paying me for it. At this point, that offer is off the table. I honestly do not know how they are going to make things work, especially when no one in that household seems willing to get a job.

All in all, it was a fairly quiet day otherwise.

I gave CL a few days to think things through and come up with a plan to pay back what he owes. I did give him credit for the $1,000 that AJ gave him, even though it still does not make sense to me to take money out of the household just to turn around and put it back in.

I walked him through all of the numbers so everything was clear. His response was that he is not going to pay back the additional money I loaned him for the repairs on the car. That is not something I agree with, but at least now I know where he stands.

Since his stipend is deposited into AJ’s account, I am going to make sure that she sends me what he owes first and then gives him whatever remains. That was the original agreement, and it needs to be followed. I am also going to push for double payments until he is caught up.

At the end of our conversation, I made it clear to him that it does not make sense for me to take money out of my household to cover his responsibilities, especially when he refuses to get a job and support his own family.

On the other hand, AE has been changing. Since the conversation where I explained that AJ and I were at the point of discussing divorce, he seems to understand what is at stake. His attitude has shifted, and things around the house have been better. Everyone is getting along more, which has made a noticeable difference.

AJ seems different as well. I think she is trying right now. She has been making an effort to contribute financially to the household, which I do appreciate. I also think she understands that I have reached a point where my tolerance for everything that has been going on is gone, and I am no longer willing to accept it.

Since I told her that I would not be updating her on conversations with CL unless she specifically asks, there has been very little discussion about it between us. We did talk briefly about CL claiming that I am trying to screw him over with the car. I told her that if I really wanted to go that route, I could create a much bigger problem for him by involving law enforcement over issues like the car not being insured, along with other things that could potentially impact his standing with school or his probation.

That is not what I am trying to do. I just want him to take responsibility and follow through on what he agreed to.

I had to turn off CL’s phone today to get his attention about the money he owes me for the car and how far behind he is. I had reached out to him yesterday and got no response, so this felt like the only way to get him to engage.

When he finally responded, he said there was no way he was that far behind and dismissed the repair costs as “bullshit fees.” I explained to him that once the car was put in his name, it became his responsibility, including any repairs. That was especially true since he never followed through on getting insurance like he originally agreed.

He also claimed that AJ had been taking money out of his stipend and giving it to me, which never happened. What I did find out, though, is that on February 28, 2026, AJ gave him $1,000 to help him catch up on the car. I was not aware of this until the following day when she and I were sitting at the kitchen table talking through the issues we have been dealing with.

I told her that I felt that was unacceptable. He needs to start taking responsibility for himself. If he is old enough to have kids and build a family, then he should be able to handle his own bills without relying on her.

I also made it clear that if she continues to support him financially, I am not going to continue to accept that. It adds to the sense of betrayal I have already been dealing with, especially in light of everything that has happened in our relationship.

She agreed that she would stop supporting him financially. At this point, though, only time will tell if that actually happens.

I had a serious conversation with AE. I explained to him that the tension and ongoing conflict in the house, especially between him and me, has been putting a real strain on the relationship between AJ and me. I told him that AJ and I have even had conversations about the possibility of divorce, because no one wants to live in a home where there is constant conflict and stress.

He seemed to understand that this is not a small issue and that there is a lot at stake. I made sure he understood that his behavior and how we all interact with each other has a real impact on the household.

I also explained to him what that could mean if things were to continue the way they have been. If AJ and I were to separate, it would mean major changes. They would have to move, and our lives would no longer be connected in the same way. We would likely no longer be part of each other’s day-to-day lives.

It was not an easy conversation to have, but I felt it was important for him to understand the seriousness of the situation and how much is on the line.

Morning was very bad.  AE would not get up for school after repeated attempts from AJ to wake him up.  He ended up missing the bus

I was talking to AJ on her way to work and she said that I am too restrictive and AE does not like to be at the house because it is not fun. I asked why he can’t play in the game room as that is what it is meant for and she said that he is too isolated in there. The house is an open concept. Yes, the game room is off to the side but that is what the room is meant for. AE is so destructive that I don’t want any of my things broken. I am half way tempted to remove all breakables out of the living room to include the TV to make a point.

I do plan on asking AE if he knows what a divorce is. Let him know that if his mom and I get one, they will have to move and AS and I would not be in their lives anymore.

Another fucked up day in the house, and another sleepless night.

It started this morning when AJ talked to me like I was stupid. I had asked her about a tree that was being cut down at her work because I was trying to clarify something she mentioned earlier. Instead of just answering the question, she responded in a way that made me feel like an idiot for asking.

She told me about some mental health services that could come to the house to evaluate AE while he is at home with us. I actually think that is a really good idea.

Later in the afternoon she received a message from AE’s school saying he had been defiant in science class. He was tossing around a fidget toy and distracting the other students. He refused to do any of his work. Eventually someone was called in to help redirect him, but he just sat at his desk and started slamming his hand into his Chromebook. She also told me she has a conflict tomorrow, so I will have to take him to football practice while she attends a meeting with her group. I really do not want to do that at all.

AE had golf practice after school, and AJ and I decided to go out for dinner instead of trying to cook at home. For a while things were actually fine. I made a point of sitting somewhere where everyone could get the type of food they wanted.

After dinner, things went downhill quickly. As soon as we got home he started being rude and disrespectful to everyone in the house and making the whole place miserable.

When I was getting ready for bed, AJ was extremely upset and started blaming me for AE’s behavior. I asked her what I had done wrong, and she could not give me an answer.

I ended up leaving the bedroom and going into my office. While I was there I started looking up how long it takes to get a divorce in Texas. From what I read, if it is uncontested it can take about sixty days. What I really wanted to know was whether I would have to give up my house if it came to that. From what I could tell, anything owned before the marriage is considered personal property and the other person has no claim to it.

While I was reading, I overheard AE ask AJ where I was. She said I was in my office and was probably looking up divorces. She knows I am at my wits’ end with him, but divorce would still be a last resort for me. I do want this marriage to work.

Later that evening, after things had cooled down, I went back into the bedroom to try and get some sleep. I stayed right on the edge of the bed on my side so I would not touch her.

At one point she said she cannot wait until AE turns eighteen so he can get the hell out. Honestly, I could not even argue with that statement. She also mentioned that she cannot live the way she and her late husband did, with a house full of anger. I told her that I love her and that I still choose her, but I am not sure she chooses me the same way. The issues with CL and AE are driving a wedge between us, and I do not know what to do about it. After a while we made some small talk. I reached over to see if she would pull away. When she did not, I pulled her closer and held her. It felt like she did not really want that. She did mention that she found a family counselor and she was going to call them tomorrow. We shall see if she actually does.

For the past few months I have had this growing feeling that maybe she only settled for me. Like she really missed the boat with KH. Sometimes it feels like her kids deserve happiness but I do not, and because I do not make that my top priority, I become the bad guy. I guess time will tell how all of this plays out.

While we were in bed, AE came out of his room and went into the bathroom. I heard AJ say to him, “What the hell?” Since we were actually speaking again at that point, I asked what was going on. AE said he was taking a shower because he had shit his pants. I honestly do not understand how a twelve-year-old is still dealing with that.

I have also been thinking about why I am putting all off this online. I know AJ would be extremely upset if she ever found out. But the reality is that I cannot tell her everything that is on my mind, either verbally or through letters. The letters made her uncomfortable, so I stopped writing them. But I have to get it out of my system. I actually took the ones she had kept and shredded them. She has not noticed yet.