Author: Mind Cancer

We had an opportunity to go to Fort Worth with some of AJ’s friends for a concert. CL agreed to watch AE for the night, although it came with a condition. He would only do it if he was paid. CL rarely helps with anything AJ asks without money being involved.

While we were out, AE gave him a hard time as usual. Throughout the night we ended up getting about a dozen calls because he was having trouble dealing with him.

We went back to Camp Fimfo Waco for another camping trip. For the most part, it was a good time.

CL came along and brought the woman he has been seeing, along with her two little ones. It made for a lively weekend with a lot of people around.

Of course, AE was being himself and spent much of the time trying to dictate what everyone should be doing. Even with that, we were still able to enjoy the trip and spend some time together.

It’s been a while since I’ve written you one of these, and honestly, I’ve missed it. So much has happened over the past few weeks, and I feel like life’s been moving at full speed. We actually made it through another No Destination Vacation, and I think this one might be my favorite so far.

That moment, just sitting in the river with you, not saying anything, that was everything. No distractions, no rush, just you and me. It’s those moments with you that stick with me the most.

I’m glad we crossed Wind Cave off the list, even if it wasn’t all that exciting. I don’t think I’d ever go back.

Glacier was a completely different story. That time-lapse you got. It’s amazing. I know I’ll keep going back to that video, being in the right place, at the right time, with the right person. I’ll remember that view, and how it felt to be standing there next to you, for the rest of my life.

Yellowstone. I’m still trying to figure out the hype. I know there has to be more to it, I think we just didn’t give it enough time. Maybe next time we go back, we can slow down and explore a little deeper. And Old Faithful, it was cool to see, but I think I expected more from it.

And then there was Grand Teton. I don’t even have the right words for that place. The reflection in the lake, that hike to the falls? Every mile we spent in the car was worth it for that moment. Being up there with you made me feel so grounded and alive at the same time.

Back home, I’ve been noticing all the ways you’re turning this house into a real home. When you first moved in, it felt cold and empty. But you’re bringing so much warmth and life into it, and I love watching it all come together. You’re making it ours, and I appreciate that more than I can say.

I know I was a little off for a couple of days, and I appreciate you giving me the space to work through it. When you asked about postponing the wedding, I wondered if you were second guessing things. Just so you know, that thought hasn’t even crossed my mind. I’m ready. I want this. I want you. I can’t wait to put that ring on your finger and know you’re mine forever.

I’ve also noticed that something might be on your mind lately. You seem a little distant at times, but I promised you I wouldn’t push and ask, and I meant it. Just know that if you ever want to talk, I’m right here. No pressure. No expectations. Just me, always ready to listen.

You mentioned again that I might be reading your text messages. I want to be clear, I haven’t. I know I’ve said that you really don’t think I am, but hearing it again from you stings in a way that’s hard to explain. So, here’s what I’d like to do, I’ve already changed my passcode, and I think it would help if you changed yours too. Not because I don’t trust you, because I do, but to show you that I have nothing to hide and no interest in crossing that line. I think it’s the only way to help you feel secure about this.

The truth is, I’ve tried to be thoughtful and considerate, doing little things I believed would make you feel loved, but lately, it feels like some of those gestures come under suspicion. And that hurts, because it’s not who I am and never will be. I’m not bringing this up to argue or create distance. I just want you to know, I trust you. Fully. I don’t need or want to look at anything on your phone. I just don’t know what else I can do to prove that.

You’re the love of my life. That hasn’t changed, and it never will. You’re everything to me.

No Destination Vacation number three is now in the books. On the first day we headed north to South Dakota. The last time we were there we had tried to visit Wind Cave National Park, but it was closed and we were not able to get in. This time we checked the website and saw that it was open, so we decided to make it our first stop.

Since KH lives in that area, we decided to invite him to meet us in Deadwood. I honestly was not sure how that meeting was going to go. Part of me wondered if I would end up hitting him or if we would simply talk things through.

At one point AJ was on the phone with AE, which gave me the chance to speak with KH privately about the messages that he and AJ had exchanged. He told me essentially the same thing AJ had said. According to him, the messages were mostly just trash talking back and forth and nothing serious. He also said they were from a long time ago and that things had changed since then.

During that conversation I made it clear to him that I was not the one who had almost broken AJ and me apart. I also told him that I was not the one who had to live with the fact that an emotional affair had happened while someone was already in a relationship. That responsibility belonged to him and AJ.

After that, we continued our trip and made it to Wind Cave. From there we drove west to Glacier National Park. The park was incredible. We entered from the east side so we did not have to deal with the timed entry system. Parking was full in many areas, so we mostly drove through the park and only stopped in small pull offs that were barely large enough for the car.

At one stop we found a quiet spot along a river. We sat together there for a while, just taking in the moment in each other’s arms. While we were sitting there, a few deer wandered close to us. They seemed more curious about us than we were surprised to see them.

From Glacier we headed south to Yellowstone National Park. We saw Old Faithful and several other sights before continuing on to Grand Teton National Park.

Grand Teton turned out to be one of the highlights of the trip for me. I was able to get some great photos there, and it is easily one of the most photogenic national parks I have ever visited. We ended up spending more time there than anywhere else on the trip.

Since we were ahead of schedule, KH invited us to meet him in Wyoming and take his side-by-side out for a ride. AJ left the decision up to me, and I decided that we would go.

When we arrived, AJ seemed upset that KH had brought another woman with him. That reaction felt strange to me. If their relationship was truly just friendship, I could not understand why it would bother her.

Later, after we got home, AJ posted photos from our night in South Dakota and tagged both KH and me in them on Facebook. The way the photos and the post were put together made it look like she and KH were a couple. There were more pictures of the two of them than of everyone together.

I told her how I felt about that and removed myself from the tag because I did not want those photos showing up later as memories. After that, she deleted the post.

Later on I learned that during our night out in South Dakota, KH had told AJ that he was in love with her. Hearing that only reinforced my feeling that she may still have some kind of emotional attachment to him. Otherwise, I cannot understand why she would have been upset that he brought another woman with him.

It’s the day before this years No Destination Vacation, and I am very excited about it. I can’t not wait to show you everything I can and where I spent a good portion of my life. There are 3 National Parks that we have the ability to see along the way, and I am hoping that we get the chance to see them. I did not even know that Congaree National Park existed until this week. Since it is very close to I-20, why not make a pit stop even if for a short time.

On the way back from the coast, we will have the opportunity to see the Great Smoky Mountains Nation Park and Hot Springs National Park. I know you have already been to the Great Smoky Mountains. That area is so beautiful. Then we have Hot Springs in Arkansas. I have never been there, and I am really looking forward to it. Double check to make sure you have your hiking boots.

I could tell that yesterday’s letter hurt you, and that tugs at my heart. Please know, it was never my intent to cause you pain. You are the love of my life, my safe place, and these letters should reflect that. They should be a source of comfort, joy, and something you look forward to, not something that brings discomfort or that heavy, yuck feeling.

Moving forward, I want to make these letters something warm and uplifting, something that brings a smile to your heart. I’m going to leave the intrusive thoughts and sensitive subjects out of them so they can become a beautiful thread in the life we’re building together.

As for the subject that’s been consuming me for far too long, I’ve decided to stop giving it space between us. I know it has caused pain, and I don’t want to bring that into our present or our future. It’s time for me to bury it, completely in its entirety. Moving forward, I won’t speak about the situation, or even mention his name. It’s time to let it go for the sake of our peace, our love, and the life we’re building together.

I love you more than you could ever know, and I will not risk hurting you again. You deserve peace, happiness, and a partner who lifts you up. And that’s what I want to be, every single day.

I can’t believe it’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve written you a letter. Life has been moving so quickly, and we’ve had so much going on lately. Between Alec moving into your house and you transitioning into this one, there’s been a lot of change, but it’s all been part of something beautiful.

Watching how naturally you’ve stepped into this house and started to make it our home has meant so much to me. What once felt cold, industrial, and a bit impersonal is now slowly becoming filled with warmth, comfort, and life, all because of you. The little touches you bring, the thought you put into each room, the way you soften the edges, it’s exactly what this place needed.

I feel lucky every day to build this life with you. Thank you for making this house feel like it’s truly ours.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous about Alec being on his own. It’s one of those milestones that hits a parent differently, the kind that comes with pride, but also a quiet, lingering concern. I just hope he can manage the house, the bills, and everything else that adulthood throws at him.

No matter how old your kids get, I don’t think the wondering ever stops. You still find yourself asking, Will they be okay? Will they manage? Will life be kind to them? But deep down, I know he’s going to be just fine. He’s strong, smart, and capable. And while he might hit a few bumps along the way, we all do, I have no doubt he’ll find his footing and build something solid for himself. I believe in him.

The 4th of July weekend was truly amazing, one of those weekends that lingers in your memory for all the right reasons. Hanging out with your brother Billy was such a great experience. He’s got a laid-back energy that made everything feel easy and fun, and it honestly felt like one of those rare moments where time just slows down for a bit.

I’d love to go back up there next year, maybe even stay at the RV park and make a full experience out of it. The fireworks were absolutely one of the highlights, they lit up the sky in a way that just felt magical, like the perfect punctuation mark to a weekend full of good company, and little moments that mattered.

Lately, I’ve been really struggling with my dreams. It’s strange, I never seem to remember the good ones, only the ones that leave a weight on my chest when I wake up. I don’t want to dream about my past, but that’s where my mind keeps going night after night.

You asked me once if the dreams were about you, and I brushed it off. But the truth is, a few of them are. The one that haunts me most is vivid and painful: it’s our wedding day, and I’m standing there waiting for you… but you walk down the aisle and marry Kevin instead. I’m left there, alone. Everyone else celebrates while I’m just standing there, invisible, discarded.

I know it’s just a dream, but it feels like my subconscious is trying to sort through all the unresolved questions I still carry, that I can’t ask. I can’t shake the feeling that there are parts of your relationship with him that you’ve kept guarded, not to be secretive, but maybe to protect us. Maybe you’re afraid it would hurt too much or spark emotions you or I can’t control.

But I hope that someday, when you’re ready and you feel safe enough, you’ll open up fully and help me understand how deep things really went with him. Not to judge, just to have peace. Because it’s hard fighting shadows when I don’t know what they’re made of.

I’m really looking forward to our trip out east. There’s so much I’ve been holding onto, places, stories, moments, that I’ve never been able to share with you, simply because of the distance. But now, I finally get to open that part of my world to you.

There are so many things I want you to see and experience, not just landmarks or scenery, but pieces of my past, the kind that shaped who I am today. It’s more than just a road trip for me, it’s a chance to bring you into parts of my life that have stayed tucked away until now. And being able to do that with you by my side… it means more than I can really put into words.

You are my entire world, the center of my heart, and the calm in my storm. With every moment we spend together, my love for you grows in ways I never thought possible. It’s in the quiet glances, the shared laughter, the way your hand fits in mine, every second with you deepens the bond I feel.

I love you more than words could ever fully express. More than I can describe, more than you may ever truly know. It’s a love that lives in every breath I take and in every hope I have for the future. You are everything to me, my love, my peace, my home.

It turned out to be a pretty good day, even though we were not able to stay at the tipi resort we had originally planned because of mold in the tipis.

Spending time with her brother really helped make the day better. He took us out on his boat, though you could tell he was a little nervous. He had only been boating for a short time, and the lake was pretty rough that day. Even so, we made the best of it and still had a good time being out on the water.

Later we picked up some fireworks and found a campground that offered day passes. They had a roped-off area where you could safely launch fireworks out over the water, which made for a really fun way to end the evening.

By the end of the day we were already talking about coming back. We told each other that in 2026 we should bring the RV and spend the whole weekend there.

I want to sincerely apologize for suggesting that you might be sharing these letters with KH. That was an intrusive thought, one of those unwanted feelings that can sneak in and distort reality. I hate how they sometimes get in the way of what’s actually happening between us. I know the last letter upset you, and that’s never what I want. I’m truly sorry. I’m continuing to work on myself, learning how to recognize and manage these thoughts better. The last thing I ever want is for anything, even my own mind, to come between us.

I know I said last night that I was going to stop writing these letters. But the truth is, I think you really do appreciate them, and they’re a form of journaling for me. They help me process what I’m feeling, and they’ve become a way to capture the life we’re building together. One day, I imagine us looking back at these moments, reading these words, and remembering all the little things that made our love story so special.

And speaking of special, I truly believe the song I had made for you this time fits us perfectly. Hearing that you want to have part of the lyrics printed and hung in our home meant the world to me. If there’s a particular line that stands out to you, something that really captures our love, let me know. I’d love to have it printed over one of our photos and made into something lasting, maybe even on metal, something beautiful to hang up and see every day.

And just so you know, I feel comfortable with Amy knowing about these letters. Honestly, I think her and Anthony’s relationship might even benefit from the idea of writing each other letters. I had no idea how helpful this would actually be for me until I started doing it.

If you’re ever open to writing letters too, I’d love that. It really helps to process things more clearly, and I believe it can open up conversations between us that might not happen otherwise. There’s something powerful about putting thoughts into words, something freeing.

Just know that no matter what I’m going through or what thoughts are weighing on my mind, my love for you never wavers. I love you with every ounce of my being. I’m sorry that I tend to overthink, I know it can make things heavier than they need to be. But through it all, what remains constant is how deeply I want to spend my life with you. I’m looking forward to growing old by your side and proudly calling you, my wife.

I love you more than I will ever be able to show you.

I’m so happy and excited that we were able to get you the car you truly wanted. Seeing you light up made the whole experience even more special for me. I really hope yesterday felt meaningful for you, because you deserve moments like this, where everything feels right and just for you

And I’m especially excited to be giving you something meaningful today as one of your early birthday gifts. I’ve been looking forward to this moment, and I can’t wait to see your reaction and hear what you think. It means a lot to me to be able to share this with you.

I want you to know that I’ve still been writing these letters to you. They’ve become a way for me to process everything swirling around in my head, especially the more intrusive thoughts that I don’t always know how to say out loud. But I’ve been hesitant to give them to you, mostly because of how raw they are, and how much noise they come from.

What’s been weighing on me even more is this quiet fear I can’t shake, that maybe you’ve mentioned them to KH since you talk and share a lot with him or even joked about them. I know that might sound irrational, but it’s just something I feel deep in my gut, and it adds another layer to the hesitation. These letters are deeply personal, and I guess I’m afraid of them being misunderstood or shared beyond us.

I love you with every ounce of my being.