Author: Mind Cancer

Since we had a long weekend, we decided to make the best of it and head to Hot Springs, Arkansas, to see Hot Springs National Park. Right after work we packed up and took off.

The first night at the hotel was rough. AE was bouncing off the walls and would not let anyone sleep. He refused to listen to anything AJ or I asked him to do. He was jumping on the beds and beating on the furniture, and after a restless night we continued on to Hot Springs.

Once we got there, we explored the area and AJ wanted to go into the springs. The problem was that they were all privately owned bathhouses and you had to pay to get in. Since AE was not old enough to go into them, that was not an option, so we ended up just driving around the National Park instead.

It felt like everything we wanted to do was something AE was not going to allow to happen. We did go to a wax museum, but that turned out to be a waste of money. We also found the National Park store where AE bought a bracelet. I think it was his third or fourth one of that same type.

We had planned to stay in a cabin at a KOA Campground for the entire weekend. We even had firewood delivered because we thought it would be nice to relax around the campfire and have some wine. That did not work out the way we had hoped. AE, even at twelve years old, still could not leave the fire alone without playing in it. I tried to ignore what he was doing and let AJ deal with it.

It was also too early in the year and there were no other kids around for AE to play with. That made everything worse because all he wanted to do was fish, with no place nearby to fish, and to keep playing with the fire. By that point the trip was already going downhill. We ended up cancelling the rest of our time at the KOA and headed to Oklahoma instead.

AJ was able to find us an Airbnb near Beavers Bend State Park. I think she could already tell that I was ready to just go home, so that first night she asked if I would find a local winery with her. We did a tasting, bought a few bottles, and brought them back to the house.

As AJ and I were trying to relax, AE kept going in and out of the hot tub. Because it was cold outside, he was tracking water everywhere and making the floor slippery. I did not say anything about it, but AJ seemed to be getting annoyed. Eventually we wrapped things up and went inside.

Of course, once we were inside, AE still tried to dictate what we were doing in the Airbnb. I ended up finishing the bottles of wine that AJ and I had started.

The next day we explored Beavers Bend State Park, and later that evening AJ and I picked up more wine since we were heading home the next morning.

That night AJ asked me if I knew where the bracelet AE had bought at the National Park store was. I told her that I had not seen it.

The next morning, while we were cleaning up, she found it in the bag where I keep my toiletries. The bag had been sitting in the bathroom, and I told her I had no idea how it got in there. She accused me of putting it there to hide it from AE.

She told me that no matter what I say, she does not believe that I did not put the bracelet in my bag. I am not sure she understands that I would not want to make the situation worse with him. If anything, I try to avoid doing things that would create more problems.

I also do not think she realizes the damage it causes when she treats me that way. It pushes me away from her, and it is starting to put a wedge between us.

The entire drive home she barely spoke to me. I think she may have said only three words the whole way back.

AJ got tickets for the three of us to go see a monster truck show in Austin. I had not been to anything like that since I was a kid, so it was interesting to see that monster trucks are still very much a thing.

It turned out that the event was actually Hot Wheels Monster Trucks Live rather than Monster Jam, but it was still a good show and fun to watch.

I ended up recording most of the event so AE could use the footage on a YouTube channel I have been working on with him. I started the channel as a way to try and build a better relationship with him.

It has not been easy. AE can be very disrespectful much of the time, and it is difficult to ignore. Still, I recorded the whole event because I am trying my hardest to make things better between us.

Christmas Eve Breakfast is an event I do not really look forward to. AJ loves hosting it though, so I go along with it for her.

Since we have been together, it has always been a bit of a challenge. The first year we hosted it at the house where we live now. At the time the house was still fairly new, and people did things that really bothered me. It felt like they did not treat the home with much respect, and by the end of the event the place was left pretty trashed.

The second year it was held at AJ’s new home, and unfortunately the same thing happened. Now that we are married and living under the same roof, the breakfast was hosted at our place again. Some people did help with cleaning up this time, which I appreciated, but during the event one of her sisters was very disrespectful to us in our own home. Considering how she keeps her own house, I guess it should not have surprised me.

Even with that, I still managed to have an alright time. I had picked up a cipher puzzle box that had twenty dollars inside it, and a lot of people spent time trying to guess the code to unlock it. That actually turned into a fun distraction during the morning.

Of course the amount of trash left behind afterward was unbelievable, but we managed to get through it.

One thing that continues to bother me is that AJ knows I do not like anyone going into our bedroom, yet she still allows people in there. That has been a boundary I have been clear about, and it is frustrating when it feels like it is not respected.

CL was there as well, which is understandable since he is her son. AJ and I had spent money buying gifts for his kids, but CL decided to take all of the gifts home so the kids could open them on Christmas Day instead. That was his choice, but it still rubbed me the wrong way.

To be honest, I struggle with him. From my perspective he is not doing much to support those kids. He refuses to get a job, and AJ and I are not even sure if he is actually going to school anymore, even though he says he is. At times I find it difficult to even want him in the house.

Today was the day of our local reception to celebrate getting married. We held it at Axis Winery, which is close to the house. A lot of friends and family came out to celebrate with us, and it turned out to be a really nice gathering.

While we were there, AJ sent LA a message asking if they were planning to come. LA replied that they already had other plans, even though AJ and I had been planning this event for quite a while.

Situations like this have started to wear on both of us. It often feels like LA treats us as if we are second-rate citizens, and it is becoming harder to ignore.

Even with LA and BA not showing up, we did not let it take away from the day. We still had a great time celebrating with our friends and with AJ’s family.

So we actually got married. AJ and I flew out to Las Vegas and tied the knot.

Only a few people were able to join us, fewer than we originally expected. BA and LA were not going to attend, but they had planned to watch AE for us as a wedding gift. Unfortunately, close to the date they had to cancel, and we ended up having CL keep an eye on him instead. Of course there were a number of issues that came up while we were gone, but we tried not to let that interfere with enjoying the time we had in Las Vegas.

Four of my friends made the trip, but only one member of AJ’s family was able to come. PW was there as well, and he treated us like royalty the entire time. It was a great experience, and AJ finally got to see why I would do just about anything for him.

Since AJ had just started a new job, she did not have much PTO available. Because of that, we had to cut the trip much shorter than we originally planned. We had hoped to spend an entire week there, but in the end we could only stay for the weekend.

Before we left, we promised each other that we would take a proper honeymoon one day. Maybe for our one year anniversary we will finally make that happen.

This weekend we went camping locally and invited BA and LA to join us. Since we really wanted them to come out and they were a little tight on funds, I covered the cost of their campsite.

We arrived first, and since we were in the RV we were already set up by the time they got there. BA worked on getting their site put together while we all settled in for the evening.

As night fell, LA started getting upset about all the bugs in the area. For a long time they had told us how much they loved camping, but that night LA decided she had had enough. She took the kids and went home.

BA and one of the kids stayed at the campsite for the night, but early the next morning they packed everything up because LA insisted that BA bring everything home.

Later in the day they did come back out for a little while to do some fishing.

Lesson learned on that one.

It has been a while since I posted, and the truth is there really has not been much to write about. CL still has not found a job, and AJ has been quietly trying to convince me to leave the car with him a little longer. I can understand why she feels that way, she wants to give him the benefit of the doubt, but the agreement was very clear from the start. I spoke with her today and told her that tomorrow I am going to get the car back.

She is not very happy with him either, especially since he was only supposed to use the car for very specific reasons. The rules were simple: groceries, department stores, and job interviews. Instead, he continues to use it for everything else, driving people around, running them places, and going out to fast food restaurants. None of this was part of the deal. It is a complete violation of the agreement we made when I trusted him with the car.

What makes this harder is that I went into this hoping it would be a chance for him to step up, prove himself responsible, and show that he could handle more. Instead, it feels like he is showing me the same pattern I have seen before. I do not like being in this position, but at the same time, I know I cannot let it slide. If I do, it only tells him that the rules do not matter.

AJ called and told me that CL finally got his VA paperwork for benefits. If that is the case, he should be getting a nice large check with back pay. That could give him the chance to pay for the car, or at least half of it, but only time will tell. He also told AJ that he may have a job, but I do not believe it. He has lied about this kind of thing in the past when he was trying to get something.

As it stands, I am taking the car back in seven days as per our agreement if he cannot prove that he actually has a job. If he comes back later and can show proof after I have already taken the car, I am torn on whether I should return it to him or just sell it. I guess the decision this coming weekend will depend on what this week looks like and whether he can prove he is working.

We also tried to go camping this weekend. When we got out to the campsite, it was infested with ants. Normally that wouldn’t be too big of a problem, but the park even warned us about it when we checked in, and they were everywhere. AE and I stayed one night while AJ was babysitting CL’s kids so he and his girlfriend could go to a movie for her birthday. AJ showed up at the site around 1:00 a.m. The next morning the rain started and didn’t stop, so between the ants and the downpour we decided to pack it in and head home.

Sunday turned out to be a productive day. We cleaned out part of the garage and moved a lot of things into storage. Combining the houses is still an ongoing process, but every step gets us closer. I cannot wait until it is finally complete.

Yesterday went really well. AE had no issues getting up and did everything he was supposed to do when he got home from school. I booked the campsite for this weekend as well as for the 20th. This weekend will just be local, but the trip on the 20th will take us out to West Texas.

In the evening, AJ was supposed to go to Bible study with the group in the neighborhood, and I planned to stay home with AE and play Xbox. AJ ended up coming back shortly after leaving, saying that Bible study is actually next week, not this one.

Around that time, I got a text from my buddy MH about meeting up to watch the first football game of the season: the Eagles vs. Cowboys. Since I am just now getting into football at age 50, I figured why not. So AJ and I met up with MH and SF (her nephew) to watch the game.

I watched a few games last year and plan on watching a lot more this year. Since most of what I have caught so far has been Eagles games, I guess that is the team I will lean toward. With AJ, AE, and I camping this weekend, we made plans to meet up with MH, and maybe SF, this evening to watch the Chiefs and Chargers game.

On a different note, I have also been writing letters to AJ. Sometimes it is easier for me to bring things up in writing because it gives me the chance to find the right words. These letters are raw and private, but I plan to include them here as part of this site. They are as much a part of our story as the trips and the daily entries.

I just want to say that I love you with all my heart, and thank you for putting up with me. Last night, going out with you and the group to watch the football game was exactly what I needed. Being there with you, laughing and just enjoying the moment, reminded me that life is worth living, especially when you’re in it.

I know I have been stressed lately. Between the way Aaric has been acting and everything going on with Corbin and the car, it’s been a lot. I know that I don’t always handle it the best, and sometimes that weight spills out in ways I don’t intend. I can be short, quiet, or distracted, and I realize that isn’t always easy to deal with.

So thank you. Thank you for being patient with me, for loving me through the moments when I’m not my best, and for staying beside me when it would be easier to pull away. You mean everything to me, and I don’t take you for granted.

And the weekend in Las Vegas… it was incredible. I’m so glad Ray and Melinda were able to be there with us. Getting the third Blue Man Group painting for the wall felt like adding another layer to our story. I honestly can’t wait to go back and grab the fourth one, it’s more than just art at this point, it’s memories we’ve built and continue to build together.

We also picked up our marriage license while we were there. Just saying that out loud still gives me a rush. It’s one step closer to forever, and I still can’t quite believe that I get to marry you. I am so ready for that day.

Camping this weekend, I’m really looking forward to it. I know Aaric is excited too. Having Matt and Share join us to hang out and watch the game while you’re up babysitting for a bit. I hope this becomes one of those memories Aaric holds onto as he gets older, a night of camping, football. And once the sun goes down, if it cools off enough for a fire, I can’t wait to curl up next to you.

Love you with all my heart.